“What Do We Want?”...
“Equal Rights!”
“When Do We Want It?”...
“Now!”
Those were the chants I was leading to a large crowd of protesters in West Hollywood in 1991. On that autumn day nearly 20 years ago, California Governor Pete Wilson vetoed AB101, the California assembly bill that would have prohibited most discrimination based on sexual orientation, prompting a week of riots directed at the Republican governor across the Golden State.
Meanwhile, after nearly 15 years, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act is continuing its slow march towards passage in Washington, as is a hate-crimes bill including sexual orientation. These two bills will do more for the entire LGBTQ community than any single legislative, judicial or voter approved action in any single state.
And yet, same-sex marriage, specifically Proposition 8, continues to be the elephant in the room. And now the D.C, City Council is considering, as one of its first legislative acts in 2009, a same-sex marriage bill for our nation’s capital.
This has to stop. This war of the words between “straight marriage” and “gay marriage” must end. There is no adjective when it comes to the word “marriage.” And that single polarizing word threatens pending federal legislation outlawing gay and lesbian discrimination in employment and housing, as well as another bill adding protection for hate crimes motivated by prejudice related to sexual orientation - for every crime in every corner of our country.
In 1996, the Hawaiian Supreme Court ruled that there was no good reason for the state to deny marriage to same-sex couples, prompting a voter-approved state amendment defining marriage as between a man and woman. That case also led to enactment of the Defense of Marriage Act, signed by then-President Clinton in that same year.
What has followed in those intervening years has been a steady erosion of same-sex rights in nearly every state in the union. From the eastern seaboard, across the great plains, and to now what we once thought were the ‘enlightened voters’ of the west coast, Americans have attempted to define a single polarizing word to mean one thing: “between a man and a woman.”
During this battle over the word ‘marriage,’ a consensus has not appeared within the gay and lesbian community about whether we want to follow the model of traditional marriage, or strike a new path in our own queer way. Many think we should be allowed to marry anyone, regardless of gender. Others think we should ditch the whole idea of marriage and remove the church from what they consider a state matter. And some simply don’t want anyone prying into their personal relationships, legally or otherwise.
Back to D.C., and the same-sex marriage bill being considered by the City Council. As members of a broader coalition, we have to ask ourselves if this is the best time to fight this fight. Where does it get us? Once we leave the district and travel to surrounding states, it doesn’t matter if we are married or not. And what about statehood? What about legislative autonomy for the district? Building coalitions takes time, yet destroying them can happen in an instant.
Is “taxation without representation” just a bumper sticker we sport on our license plates?
It is realistic to wonder whether bringing this matter to the forefront of the American public at this moment in time is a good idea. It is appropriate to ask if this action will withstand another voter rejection, this time in our nation’s capital.
If we are fighting over equal rights, then no time is as good as the present. If we are, however, fighting over a single word, then it’s time to shed ourselves of that constraint.
It is time to stop focusing on a single word that empowers our enemies while disabling us, as well as our friends and allies. It is time to knee-cap the polarizing words ‘sanctity, and ‘marriage.’ It is time to aim for what we want - which is civil, legal unions for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
By letting go of the term “marriage” - and the battle lines being waged over it - in a shorter amount of time we will win that war.
It’s time to drop the war of the words, and aim for equal rights for all.
As for the term ‘marriage.’
Just lose it.
Lose the invocation. We are a nation founded on freedom of religion.
It seems, however, we are not free 'from' religion.
Does separation of church and state mean anything? If it did, there would be no 'So help me god' - invocation or otherwise. And don't get me started about the legality of a church-sanctioned marriage in this country.
Any basic civics classroom knows the difference. And yet we continue to embrace 'the almighty' while espousing our secular state.
It's pure bull, and we all know it. We just fail to recognize it, or do anything about it.
As for Warren, the 'mute' button works just fine for me.