It all started with a toothache. My dentist said I have two crowns that need to be replaced and that it will cost $3,150. I have individual health insurance, but no dental coverage.
My partner Brian, who works for the state of Maryland, has a dental plan — as will I, after July 1 under new legislation benefiting “domestic partners” in Maryland. That will bring the cost down to about $1,000. My dentist says not to chomp on anything hard until then or it will be worse.
Speaking of worse, a measure to ban discrimination based on gender identity didn’t pass the Maryland General Assembly this year. And several federal bills regarding the LGBT community are in danger of not advancing this year. It’s unclear whether the federal hate crimes bill will be expanded to include sexual orientation and gender identity. As for gays and lesbians serving under “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” the White House says we’ll get back to you on that one. And the Employment Non-Discrimination Act? Some say it’s DOA this year.
What happened? The Maryland transgender bill and the federal hate crimes expansion should have been slam-dunks. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” should not be in question, nor should ENDA. But they are all in peril because the gay and lesbian community is focusing too much on a single phrase and acting like children.
Gay marriage may be sexy, but it defies the sense of logic that should come with being a mature community. Emotion is an idealist attitude, while the logical part of our brain says we need to understand the political situation on the ground.
In the immortal words of Tip O’Neill, all politics are local.
And so we go back to my toothache. Imagine, if you will, what it would be like to be a Maryland State Senator, explaining to constituents on the Eastern Shore why he or she voted for my toothache over hate crimes legislation or a same-sex marriage bill.
The legislator is on our side, but he or she has to explain that to small-town constituents, along with why the state is laying off employees to cover a budget deficit, as well as why it is important not to panic over swine flu, or perhaps why a local family may not be able to pay their electric bill.
Get where I’m going on this one? Gay marriage is sexy — to us. But to the general public, it ranks below swine flu, the economy, the mortgage and how to pay the light bill.
So what’s important to the LGBT community? Is it a word? Is it my toothache? No. It’s Jane, the lesbian in Kansas, who can’t simply be herself because her neighbors might kill her. It is the kid in Ohio who takes his own life because he fears being called a “fag.”
It might be sexy to fight for gay marriage. It might be sexy to call your senator or representative and express yourself. It might be sexy to protest at your local courthouse or city hall. But if you’re looking for sexy, you are missing the point.
Let’s go over this fight over same-sex marriage. What does it get us, right here, right now? Depends on whom you ask and where you reside.
It certainly doesn’t get us any federal benefits, and if you think for one second that the Defense of Marriage Act will be repealed in the next few years, you are delirious and should go to the hospital, as you may have swine flu.
Are we being childish? Are we focusing on a single word, “marriage,” at the expense of pursuing other, more serious goals?
What are we fighting for? What do we want? Is it the word marriage? Equal rights? Domestic partnership benefits? Civil unions? Hate crimes legislation? The repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell? ENDA?
Meanwhile, I have a toothache. Think about it and get back to me. After July 1.
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Originally published in The Washington Blade, May 1st, 2009.
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