Captain's Log

The California Earthquake, Part 1

California’s Supreme Court is set to issue its “opinion” on Proposition 8 within the next hour.  Their decision will affect the lives of one-seventh of the population of the United States, as well as how Americans view same-sex marriage - to a degree.  There is a widely-held belief that California leads the nation in culture issues.  Maybe not this time...

Three issues are at stake here:  Whether Prop 8 is an impermissible revision to the state Constitution, whether the term “marriage” is an inalienable right that cannot be taken away without a compelling reason, and rule on the status of the 18,000+ same-sex marriages performed in The Golden State prior to the approval of Proposition 8.

Conventional wisdom holds that the court will uphold Proposition 8, thereby upholding the California voter initiative process.  Conventional wisdom also holds they will not retroactively void the same-sex marriages performed prior to the voter-approved amendment.

Then there is the question of whether Proposition 8 is an impermissible right to the California State Constitution.  Again, if conventional wisdom is correct and the court finds Proposition 8 an invalid revision to the state constitution, they will in all likelihood invalidate Proposition 8.

Here’s what I have to say about Conventional Wisdom:  Phooey.

Conventional wisdom held that Hillary Clinton would now be president.  Conventional wisdom held that America was not ready for its first African-American president.  Conventional wisdom held that no state in the mid-west would “legalize” same-sex marriage.  Conventional wisdom held that Dick Cheney would go back to his undisclosed location and shut up.  Conventional wisdom held that the recently-passed hate crimes bill would be a “slam-dunk,” and that Judy Shepard wouldn’t have to be verbally assaulted by a sawed-off shotgun named U.S. Congresswoman Virginia Foxx.

Conventional Wisdom:  Phooey.

The world doesn’t always work in the way we want, but in the end it usually does the right thing.  Traditions, whether right or wrong, are steered like battleships - over time.

But this is no ordinary battleship...

My prediction: I believe the California Supreme Court will uphold Prop 8, recognizing the voter-initiative process of California; and that they will rule the 18,000 same-sex marriages that have been legally performed will remain as valid as the thousands of “opposite-sex” marriages performed before Proposition 8 was approved by California voters.

Where I differ with the conventional wisdom is this:  I think the California Supreme Court will also rule that if ANY couple wants to get “legally wed” in the eyes of California law, they will now have to go to city hall to obtain a “certificate” entitling them to all the legal rights and obligations as any other couple.  Call it what you may.  That’s where equality comes in.

Conventional wisdom be d@mned.  Majorities DO NOT get to vote on the rights of minorities.

Let’s hope the justices of the California Supreme Court understand that.  And rule correctly in the eyes of history.

//

See you after the ruling...

OUTRAGE

I was incredibly fortunate to see the premiere of OUTRAGE on Friday night in Washington, D.C. The film, based on the who, what, when, where and why of politics, is a very clear and concise look inside how hanging out in your own personal closet while also having "power" in our nation's capital corrupts. You've heard the saying, "Power Corrupts. Absolute Power Corrupts, Absolutely." When any politician chooses to put themselves into any type of "closet" - from former Idaho Senator Larry "wide-stance" Craig to the current governor of Florida, Republican Charlie Crist, to an entire cast of politicians from across the country - this is a must see movie. For everyone.

Watch it if you can (as it is a limited-release film) and/or save it on your Netflix queue. Before I continue, watch the trailer for the movie.

I went into the showing thinking I would be totally outraged at the end. The first problem: the film makers pulled off an incredibly balanced movie. The second problem: I left, along with many others, not OUTRAGED, but something more akin to "Seen It." And that was in and of itself distressing. As an out gay man, it was distressing to see how much power closeted queers hold, and yet they screw over the LGBTQ community ALL THE TIME.

This film is powerful, but it doesn't hit you in the gut. If anything, it makes you wonder why we put up with this. And why Americans of all shades, creeds and orientations don't question who they are electing to represent their interests. As the film so brilliantly illustrates, many of the closeted elected queers aren't looking out for their constituents. They are looking out for themselves and watching their own backs and their own personal "closet."

At the expense not just of the LGBTQ community, but of every American. It's more than simple hypocrisy. It is a travesty of justice, a travesty of democracy and a travesty of what the United States stands for. And this film is absolutely "spot-on" in exposing that hypocrisy and travesty.

The other thing that really hurt was the conveniently situated "opposite-sex" companion for the politicians in the closet. Most of the politicians are male, and most of them are Republican, so I'm going to dispense with using gender-neutral terms at this point and just say "him."

Those involved in the making of the film, most notably Michael Rogers and director Kirby Dick (yes, that is his real name...), don't simply make this a very powerful audio-visual version of Entertainment Weekly by floating gossip and rumors.

They have succeeded in making a CSI case on who is doing what to whom, the why behind it (yep,that would be to get re-elected), and how their personal "issues" regarding their own "closet" absolutely does nothing but hurt EVERYONE. From their "wives/companions," to their constituents, to the gay and lesbian community - these people are dangerous. And must be stopped.

I'm outraged. Not by the movie, which is incredibly persuasive in it's fact-by-fact CSI-ing of the case against homosexuals with power in the closet, and how they wield that power - mostly for evil.

I'm outraged that I'm not outraged. If you take away anything from my post, it's this: We've been there, seen enough of the damage - from McCarthyism to former Idaho Senator Craig "snagged" in a public restroom at an airport in Minnesota, most likely a casualty of his own legislative "record" in the United States Senate. His mug shot speaks volumes.

In the end, the pen is mightier than the sword. But keep your shields up, as we don't know what is rolling down the pike. I'm hoping for clear skies and the wind at our backs.

As this film so eloquently shows, however, it's not always blue skies and open sails. Let's watch each other's backs. And most definitely watch OUTRAGE.

Overwhelmed by Events

It's been an interesting couple of months for the gay and lesbian community. In just eight weeks, the "news" has gone from California to Iowa to Vermont to the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives.

As one intimately involved in the news process, I find myself still amazed when people don't understand how the "news business" works and why cable news channels chatter incessantly about the latest "thing" to occur in the last few hours. I also find myself amazed that many don't understand that not everyone has a Twitter account, everyone doesn't live in Manhattan, San Francisco or our much-maligned nation's capital, Washington, D.C., nor does everyone follow our individual views on every single issue.

From farmboys getting to tie the knot in Iowa to legislators in Vermont overriding the governor's veto of a same-sex marriage bill to U.S. Congresswoman Virginia Foxx's incredibly ignorant and bigoted "statement" on the hate crimes bill recently passed by the U.S. House of Representatives, not everything happens the way "we" think it should play out, and what's on our agenda isn't necessarily on everyone else's mind.

One just has to take a look at the headlines from the last two months to see how easily it is to become overwhelmed by events on the ground.

From the arguments in front of the California Supreme Court on Proposition 8 in early March, we can easily jump to the Iowa Earthquake and the unanimous ruling by the state's Supreme Court overturning a 10-year-old ban on same-sex marriage.

High on life, and about the same time, we witnessed Vermont legislators override the Republican governor's veto of a same-sex marriage bill, making the Green Mountain state the first in the nation to pro-actively, without court prodding, approve same-sex marriage.

Then along comes an incredibly stupid "advertisement" by the National Organization for Marriage, which spawned numerous parodies, including one by Stephen Colbert.

And then a couple of earthquakes hit. During the Miss U.S.A. pageant (which, frankly I didn't think was still going on), Miss California says she only supports "opposite sex marriage." From Miss Frikkin' California? And sadly, a little bit of all of us died following the death of our beloved Golden Girl Bea Arthur.

A Category 5 hurricane slammed into us about that time also, and one we should have seen coming. The Matthew Shepard hate crimes bill hit the floor of the House of Representatives, and as expected the Republicans were the party of "just say no." Only this time, they took a sawed-off shotgun in the name of North Carolina Representative Virginia Foxx and aimed it directly at the LGBTQ community, and most horrifically at Judy Shepard - who was sitting in the House gallery watching the proceedings about a hate crimes bill named after her son who was brutally murdered by two homophobic men in Wyoming.

The backlash was swift and furious. As it should be, as it was disgusting to watch. I'm still reeling and infuriated by Foxx's incredibly stupid and hateful remarks. And my prayers go out to Judy Shepard, who must have felt like a bullet went through her heart.

But back to reality. Why do I bring all this up? We have a saying in the news business: "The news never stops."

That said, there are ways to shape events and the news cycle to our advantage. But we have to take into account that no one could have foreseen the swine flu panic that jumped onto our television screens in April. No one could have foreseen that Republican Senator Arlen Specter's switch to the Democratic Party would be, hours later, overshadowed by Supreme Court Justice David Souter's announcement that he was retiring. No one could have foreseen that Miss California (Miss California, for Christ's sake~!) would become a spokesperson for the National Organization for Marriage.

But we certainly could have foreseen that not everyone is aboard the same-sex love train. We certainly could have foreseen that living in the deep South is not at all like walking the streets of New York City. And we could have foreseen that there's a big world out there, with lots of different people in it and not all of them are friends of Dorothy.

I've said it so many times I feel like I'm starting to sound like a broken record. But I'm going to put on my Captain's hat and put it as bluntly as I can: If the gay and lesbian community doesn't choose which priorities are the most important for the entire, national LGBTQ community, then by god someone else will.

It may be U.S. Representative Foxx, it may be the Iowa Supreme Court, or it may be Miss California. But someone's gotta choose, and someone's gotta lose. And unless WE prioritize and choose our battles, we are going to be overcome by events. Some of them good, some of them not so good. Some of them downright nasty.

The important thing is we have choices. Let's make them.

It All Started With a Toothache

It all started with a toothache. My dentist said I have two crowns that need to be replaced and that it will cost $3,150. I have individual health insurance, but no dental coverage.

My partner Brian, who works for the state of Maryland, has a dental plan — as will I, after July 1 under new legislation benefiting “domestic partners” in Maryland. That will bring the cost down to about $1,000. My dentist says not to chomp on anything hard until then or it will be worse.

Speaking of worse, a measure to ban discrimination based on gender identity didn’t pass the Maryland General Assembly this year. And several federal bills regarding the LGBT community are in danger of not advancing this year. It’s unclear whether the federal hate crimes bill will be expanded to include sexual orientation and gender identity. As for gays and lesbians serving under “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” the White House says we’ll get back to you on that one. And the Employment Non-Discrimination Act? Some say it’s DOA this year.

What happened? The Maryland transgender bill and the federal hate crimes expansion should have been slam-dunks. “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” should not be in question, nor should ENDA. But they are all in peril because the gay and lesbian community is focusing too much on a single phrase and acting like children.

Gay marriage may be sexy, but it defies the sense of logic that should come with being a mature community. Emotion is an idealist attitude, while the logical part of our brain says we need to understand the political situation on the ground.

In the immortal words of Tip O’Neill, all politics are local.

And so we go back to my toothache. Imagine, if you will, what it would be like to be a Maryland State Senator, explaining to constituents on the Eastern Shore why he or she voted for my toothache over hate crimes legislation or a same-sex marriage bill.

The legislator is on our side, but he or she has to explain that to small-town constituents, along with why the state is laying off employees to cover a budget deficit, as well as why it is important not to panic over swine flu, or perhaps why a local family may not be able to pay their electric bill.

Get where I’m going on this one? Gay marriage is sexy — to us. But to the general public, it ranks below swine flu, the economy, the mortgage and how to pay the light bill.

So what’s important to the LGBT community? Is it a word? Is it my toothache? No. It’s Jane, the lesbian in Kansas, who can’t simply be herself because her neighbors might kill her. It is the kid in Ohio who takes his own life because he fears being called a “fag.”

It might be sexy to fight for gay marriage. It might be sexy to call your senator or representative and express yourself. It might be sexy to protest at your local courthouse or city hall. But if you’re looking for sexy, you are missing the point.

Let’s go over this fight over same-sex marriage. What does it get us, right here, right now? Depends on whom you ask and where you reside.

It certainly doesn’t get us any federal benefits, and if you think for one second that the Defense of Marriage Act will be repealed in the next few years, you are delirious and should go to the hospital, as you may have swine flu.

Are we being childish? Are we focusing on a single word, “marriage,” at the expense of pursuing other, more serious goals?

What are we fighting for? What do we want? Is it the word marriage? Equal rights? Domestic partnership benefits? Civil unions? Hate crimes legislation? The repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell? ENDA?

Meanwhile, I have a toothache. Think about it and get back to me. After July 1.

//

Originally published in The Washington Blade, May 1st, 2009.

The Twitterazzi Democracy

The scene was set for some serious political dialogue regarding how the two presidential campaigns "handled" new technologies during last year's election. From senators to representatives to the online directors for both the Obama and McCain campaign to the media - old school and new - for everyone in "the know" regarding organizing and campaigning it was a must-see event held a few blocks from the White House.

As the official videographer for the Keynote Address, I had a bird's eye view of the proceedings. The ballroom at the Reagan building was filled to capacity, and there were more computers and mobile computing platforms in the room than you'd possibly find at Best Buy on a Tuesday.

As I filmed the keynote address (a three-person panel composed of the online directors for both major party's presidential candidates along with a moderator to help keep the peace), I noticed something was missing. Most of the hundreds assembled to hear the two "experts" were too busy constantly updating their Twitter and Facebook pages that they were failing to do what they came to do in the first place: to listen and to learn.

Standing on the video platform, in plain sight of everyone and yet invisible as I was simply the "electronic recorder" of the event, it was amazing to me how many people were not paying attention to the exchange going back and forth between the panelists.

Watching it on the camera view screen, without any of my mobile computing platforms out, was an incredible experience. Not only did I hear every word the panelists said, but I caught their gestures, their asides, and yes - their snide comments directed towards each other as well as the gathered media.

By and large, however, the assembled masses were missing the live action dialogue going on in front of them. They were too busy Twittering. Even one of the panelists in an earlier session, a U.S. congressman, tweeted to the conference attendees that he would be late because of a backup on the beltway due to an accident. For all we knew, he could be home eating ice cream and watching reruns of Scooby Doo, but we all took him at his word - because it had been deemed so by his Tweet.

There were so many things that people could learn from the two presidential advisers regarding online organizing and campaigning, and I have no doubt that some of the very important points both men were stating will make it out of the echo chamber known as Washington D.C.

But watching everyone, from my bird's eye perch and unencumbered by technology, allowed me to do what many - if not most - of those in the room did not allow themselves to do: Listen.

Any good reporter knows the best way to get the story is to let the people involved talk, ask a few probing questions, record the information and then go write the story. But writing "your" story while trying to listen to others, as any good psychologist will tell you, is not a recipe for good communication. For if you are forming your answer while another party is talking or trying to communicate, you are not listening.

And that is not journalism. That is simply pushing buttons on a keypad. Technology is very helpful as we zoom through the 21st Century, but the information we gather and the masses that we organize are only going to be as effective as how we convey to them information. Facebook and Twitter are modern day versions of the wheel, a typewriter and a simple knock on your neighbor's door - they are just tools. One of many in our tool belts.

That, by the way, was one of the things both of the Obama and McCain campaign representatives actually agreed upon. My bet, however, is you won't hear about it - because everyone was tweeting at the time.

Forgiving the Franklins

The incredibly powerful and effective response to the bigoted and idiotic National Organization for Marriage "advertisement" has knee-capped the group of intolerants, and all the mashups were hilarious. You've seen them, so no need for me to recap. But awesome job everyone!

But, since it's Same Sex Sunday, as well as Easter, it seemed the perfect time for me and my husband to watch something satirical regarding the "Christian Right" - which is not Christian and definitely not right.

I don't know who recommended this flick to me, but it was PERFECT following the NOM ad and the fact that we were watching it as Easter Sunday rolled in at midnight.

Not to give away too much of the plot of the movie, I'm going to let IMDB do the summarizing (no spoilers):

"The Franklins are Bible belt Christians: Frank's a lawyer, Betty's a homemaker focused on her children and her church, Brian is a senior who plays football, his younger sister Caroline is a cheerleader who thinks she's fat, prays often, and is impatient with God. When the family is in a car crash, all but Caroline are in a coma during which they see Jesus who removes their inhibitions and their piety. Awake and refreshed, Frank, Betty, and Brian discover their sexuality, their independence from Sunday worship and formal prayer, and the ability to talk frankly. Caroline - and her godmother, Betty's best friend, Peggy - are horrified."

Here's the trailer link from youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCnoXiY6rAE

Most of the time we have to fight for our freedoms, against enemies that always think they are right. This movie wields its power in a much more subtle way, and yet satirically is over the top in taking the Bible Belters to task.

My suggestion is to watch it, as I'm sure you'll love it.

Happy Easter, and have a great Same Sex Sunday!

Stop Playing “Kick the Can” with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

I’m sick and tired of politicians playing “kick the can” with the lives of gay and lesbian servicemembers, and it better stop soon.  First off, the LGBTQ community is not a “can” and I for one am tired of being kicked - down the road or anywhere else.

As a former special operations officer, you bet I have an opinion on this, but I’ll let others do the talking for me right now while I go punch a wall or two.

In an interview regarding Don’t Ask Don’t Tell on Sunday, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said that he and the president have "a lot on our plates right now. Let's push that one down the road a little bit.”  

In a statement, the executive director of Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN), Aubrey Sarvis, says: Secretary Gates doesn’t give “a sound reason for kicking 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' down the road -- or essentially back tracking on a campaign promise” made by President Obama.

On a cold and wet Friday in March, hundreds of former and current gay and lesbian servicemembers met at the U.S. Congress to lobby representatives and senators for the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoDWkuXTeQg

Most Americans agree Don’t Ask Don’t Tell should be repealed, as do many members of Congress - on both sides of the aisle.

As I have argued before, nations from Argentina to Great Britain have found that gays serving openly in the military do not, in any way, compromise unit integrity or the mission.
Numerous studies have concluded that gays and lesbians openly serving do not undermine unit readiness, troop morale or national security.

I argued last year, as I am now, that I don’t expect the Obama administration to tackle this particular issue at this particular moment in time.  But I DO expect Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to be repealed THIS year.  Enough is enough. 

Nearly 13,000 gay and lesbian members have been kicked out of the military since DADT was enacted, including dozens of Arabic translators.  Thousands more gay and lesbian servicemembers have died or been injured while serving their country - the same country that doesn’t want to even acknowledge their existence.

The time for talk is over.  The time for “kicking” issues regarding the LGBTQ community down the road until it is convenient is over. 

Enough is enough.  It’s time to light the torches.

Marriage v. Civil Unions, Part 1

In December 2008 I wrote an editorial in the Washington Blade on the subject of same-sex marriage, arguing that what we really want is equal rights and challenging the fight over the word “marriage.”  The comments, letters and emails responding to my call for Civil Unions for everyone - straight or gay - went from “absolutely,” to “separate but equal never works,” to “marriage is a religious matter, take the state out of it.”

My call for dropping the fight over the word is more than simply a defeatist stance, it is what I consider a more reasoned approach to the long-term implications of the separation of church and state and freedom of - and from - religion.

In a strange shift in the space-time continuum, both sides in the Proposition 8 arguments before the California Supreme Court in early March 2009 agreed with me.  And last week, Time Magazine published an article titled “A Gay Marriage Solution: End Marriage?” in which the author argued for Civil Unions for all, as well as getting the government out of what is basically a religious matter.

It’s been months since the “enlightened” voters of California disappointed not just the LGBTQ community - but the entire planet - in their ignorant attempt to define a single word.  And to take away (for the first time in the history of the United States except for Prohibition) a civil right as opposed to expand a right.

But they did, and the California Supreme Court appears poised to uphold Proposition 8.  Thankfully, however, without retroactively dismissing the 18,000 same-sex marriages performed before the hateful Proposition 8 was approved by state voters.

This has to stop. This war of words between “straight marriage” and “gay marriage” must end, as this particular elephant is sucking the air out of nearly every other issue the LGBTQ community is fighting for in nearly every corner of our country.  From hate crimes, to ENDA, to the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell legislation pending before the U.S. Congress - it is time to get off the “marriage” train, and get onboard the Equal Rights train.

In my Washington Blade editorial , I argued that it was all about nomenclature.  I believed then, as I believe now, that the United States of America should pivot to Civil Unions for all, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.  I argued then, as I do now, that the separation of church and state - enshrined in the American Constitution - demands that we separate the church from what should be a civic matter.  Civil Unions for All, and then you can (if you so desire) head to your house of worship and “enshrine” your love and commitment in any manner you and your partner so desire.

Marriage as an institution has evolved over centuries, at times being a legal institution and at times a religious sacrament.  In many countries, the legal rights of marriage are administered by the state. Holy Matrimony, a religious sacrament, is administered by the church.  In the good ole’ U.S of A., we've fused the two concepts in such a manner so that most people can't talk about one without the other.  If two individuals seek a legally recognized union in the eyes of the state, that should be a matter for the state.  Not the church.

This is not about separate but equal, it’s about equal rights.

It IS time to check the tires and take the air out of the word “marriage.”  Give my partner and myself equal rights now and I'll be happy to let religion manage everyone’s rights in what is routinely called “the afterlife.”

In one of the most striking portions of the arguments before the California Supreme Court on Proposition 8, both sides agreed that the state could resolve the equal protection issue of same-sex marriage by taking the state out of the marriage business.

An attorney arguing for overturning Propostion Hate, Michael Maroko, said; "If you're in the marriage business, do it equally. And if you're not going to do it equally, get out of the business."

Even Kenneth Starr, the Pepperdine law school dean and former Whitewater independent counsel who argued in favor of Proposition 8, agreed that it may solve the legal issues, although he said it was a solution that lies outside the legal authority of the court.

Likewise, the author of the Time Magazine article points to a paper published by two legal scholars from Pepperdine University (not necessarily the most conservative of universities, but rather close) calling for the government to re-examine its role in marriage.  In one of the best quotes from the Time article, the author succinctly states the following: “Instead, give gay and straight couples alike the same license, a certificate confirming them as a family, and call it a civil union — anything, really, other than marriage. For people who feel the word marriage is important, the next stop after the courthouse could be the church, where they could bless their union with all the religious ceremony they wanted.”

EXACTLY.

In 1996 the Hawaiian Supreme Court found the statute disallowing same-sex marriage unconstitutional, which prompted a voter-approved state constitutional amendment defining marriage as between a man and woman. That case also led to enactment of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, signed by then-President Clinton that same year.

What has followed has been a steady erosion of gay rights in nearly every state in the union. From the eastern seaboard to what we once thought were the “enlightened voters” of the West Coast - American voters have overwhelmingly said, through legislatures as well as through voter initiatives, that “marriage” means one thing - “between a man and a woman.”

If we are fighting over equal rights, then no time is as good as the present.  If we are, however, fighting over a single word, then it’s time to shed ourselves of that constraint and move the conversation forward.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for grabbing either a torch or a lamp to gain equal rights, although I have to admit I prefer the lamp of enlightenment over the fierce nature of fire.

It is time to stop focusing on a single word that empowers our enemies while disabling us, as well as our friends and allies. It is time to get rid of the polarizing words “sanctity” and “marriage.” It is time to aim for what we want, which is civil, legal unions for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

By letting go of the term “marriage” — and the battles being waged over it, we will win our war for equal rights for everyone - in a shorter amount of time.

Life, Passion and Careers.

This is my response to a question from a friend regarding getting started on a new career path:

//

Hmmm...

That's a good question, and sometimes I wonder which career I'm in.  From being a helicopter pilot (serendipity, in a fine moment indeed) to meeting a journalist on a flight from Washington to Rome via Paris, I'm still not sure how to answer that.

The easy way out is that I'm outgoing, and stood up on a plane in Paris (with a transfer to Rome) and went "Holy Shit! We're late, I don't speak a word of French, I'm going to Rome and have no idea what to do now!"

Two women who had been sitting next to me said "Don't worry, we're probably on the same flight."  They both were also fluent in French.  Along with 5 other passengers, we were escorted off the side entrance of the plane, down a jetway, to a waiting bus that took us on a winding path underneath the airport in Paris.  A woman with a walkie-talkie waved us through several security gates to an awaiting plane.  After we boarded, they let everyone else on the plane.  It just so happened that 4 out of the 8 of us were assigned to the same or adjacent rows.  We got to know each other, I still have the notes that I had them sign (I'm a writer, and usually carry a pad and a pen).

We still don't know who was the real culprit that they delayed a plane for the group of us.  But during that encounter, I met someone who introduced me to someone who hired me for a job I never thought about - international TV, radio and web-caster for the State Department.  I don't work for them any longer, but it surely expanded my knowledge base and skill level.

As for your question of how I did it?  I don't know.  It's a combination of serendipity and WTF, let me try this and see how it goes.

I flew upside down in a helicopter once (you're not supposed to do that...), and that was cool also.

My feeling is to be yourself, try not to lose your innocence, aim high, and be in the moment - as you never know what's gonna happen.  Flexibility is the key to thought.

Hope that helps,

John

Time, Space and Perspective.

"This one goes out to the ones I love."

That's how the song goes, and that's where this post is going.

TIME: 
November 18th, 1999.  That would be my birthday (not birthdate...), I was living in Los Angeles and writing two columns for two different publications.  In the next two months, I had no idea that my life would change so dramatically.

Around 7 p.m. PST, before caller-id was the norm, I picked up the phone.  On the other end was a friend of mine calling to inform me that my dear friend Mitchell had just committed suicide.  The method was gruesome, but in some respects exactly how he would have wanted to go.  This is not a debate about suicide.  It's about answering the phone and taking that call.

Nearly one-and-a-half months later, my mother called me while I was in Washington D.C., visiting friends before I was to pick up my sister and niece and drive - from Washington, through Virginia and all the way to Memphis.  The call, from my mother, shocked our world.  She had lung cancer, and we needed to get to the hospital quickly.  It was not a fun Christmas, as it was intended to be.  But it was extremely special.

SPACE:
We all need space in our lives.  To breathe, to dream, to lose ourselves - and to find ourselves.  Proximity does not equal closeness.

From both distressing calls, space mattered.  One was 45 miles away, and another was about 19 hours away, driving as fast as we could to get there.  "There" was, and remains, important.  I wasn't in San Diego when the police report was written, nor caught the warning signs to possibly help my friend.  I call it "smiling for the phone".  45 minutes, and yet a lifetime away.  I was there, as was my sister and my niece, when - after driving all night - we rescued my mother in the middle of the night from a Memphis hospital. On Christmas Eve - no, make that Christmas Day, just a little before sunrise.

It was an act of teamwork and dedication that is only rivaled by my mother dying in my arms 9 months later, and my partner right by my side in a hospital room in Virginia.  On that particular night, the nurse, in a most wonderful Southern way, said "Well, she was there for you when you came into life, and you were here for her when she departed."  Words of wisdom.   And then she said we should take the time to grieve, and gave us space to do that.

PERSPECTIVE:
We all need perspective.  We have no idea how our actions, much less our reactions, affect those around us.

And yet, we are human.  It sometimes takes years for us to understand our actions, or those actions and reactions of those around us, that "hit us in the gut."  We do it to ourselves, and we do it to those around us.  Usually not knowing the repercussions of our actions, and the reactions that follow.  A ripple in the water caused by a stone we skipped across the water continues a wave that hits things, animals, people and the shores around us.  And we were simply skipping a stone across the water.

And yet, life goes on.  After years and years of seeing, touching and loving the ones we are with, we sometimes still don't understand everything they have been through, are possibly going through at this moment in time and space, or their perspective.  Why do we do that?  Because we are human.

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In the end, Love is all we have.

I know this is a bit past Valentine's Day, but I never let time get in my way of saying, and feeling, what I want to transmit to my family, my friends and the planet. 

For if we don't take the time, how can we possibly have the time to take?

For everyone in my universe, as well as those in yours, please remember: Time, Space and Perspective are important.  In all of our lives. 

And Love trumps them all.